In Honor of a Wonderful Man

The 18th of November marks the 63rd birthday of my wonderful step-father. Away on retreat I missed the opportunity to wish him a happy birthday.

As the YAGM Malaysia group spent Thanksgiving in West Malaysia we were asked to think about what we are thankful for.   I have been so blessed to come from such a supportive family and community.

My step-father plays such a large role in this. The sky is the limits in his eyes and he always told me I could do anything I put my mind to.  Most days I hear his voice in the back of my mind.  For example:

"You think you know hot, but you don't...you will learn"-My time in Malaysia has proved that he was right.  I have never sweated so much in my life.

"Make sure you eat and drink whenever you can, you never know when you will be able to again"-- yesterday I sat on a bus for almost an hour, when the trip usually takes 20 minutes.  I was so thirsty in the Sabah afternoon heat that it was unbearable.  Before getting on the wonderful public transportation, I remember walking past what seemed like a million kedai's (shops) and thinking that I would just wait until I got back to my friends apartment to get a drink.  Lesson learned.

"You don't know spicy"--yup! you were right!

Thanks for always sharing wisdom, even when it seems to be a bit premature. :) Much love and a happy belated birthday to a fantastic father!

Conversations with Friends

Nov. 5, 2012

Last week a student said to me, "Cikgu, kamu putih, saya hitam, kenapa?" <--Teacher, you are white, I am black, why?  I stumbled over my words and gave a scientifically based answer--it has to do with where we are born in regards to the equator.

I thought about this a lot and asked many people what they thought about it.  My friend, Felessia said she wanted to share a story with me about this idea.  She said that she thought about it a long time ago and said it would be okay for me to share with whomever.  

She said:

"I think about why people are black and white and I always imagined it to be like this:  At first I think all people were one color, black.  I imagined that once Jesus had a bucket of water, and he asked all people to come and clean themselves in the water.  The first people immersed themselves and turned white.  More and more people went into the bucket to clean themselves and the water began to lower.  Finally, the water left was so little, that people only put their hands and feet into the water.  These last people remained black, except for their palms and the bottoms of their feet.  That's how I think God made some people white and some people black."  

I asked her what she thought of her story, and she said, "I guess you should just never be last!"

While I laughed with her when she gave her response, I could help but think that I still felt unsettled about the answer and even the question.  I guess we can never really know why God made us the way that he did, but just have faith and trust that there is a plan for us in the exact form that we are in.  God made us this way for a reason.  

Reflections II

October 20,2012

The reflection this week comes from yours truly. For what it is  are worth: The video that inspired it looks to be Malaysian made. The quote I reference is one that I hold near and dear to my heart; I discovered Clarence Jordan's writing through Habitat for Humanity projects (the founder of Habitat spent time at Jordan's Koinonia Farm in Georgia) and appreciate his earthy wisdom.

LIVE BOLDLY.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JUFjTOM32g&feature=related

The opposite of faith is not doubt. Rather, the opposite of faith is fear. As farmer/scholar Clarence Jordan<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarence_Jordan> puts it,  “Faith and fear, like light and darkness, are incompatible. Fear is the polio of the soul which prevents our walking by faith.” I stumbled upon Jordan, his book<http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1597521442?ie=UTF8&tag=httpwwwgoodco-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1597521442&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2>, and this quote a decade ago and they have been with me ever since. When I face big life choices and feel a sense of paralyzing indecision setting in, they remind me to put my next foot forward, to live boldly and to let that which I believe in break the bonds of fear.

What fears hold you captive? In what do you have faith that can set you free?

-peter

http://sunshinefaith.com/live-boldly/

--
Rev. Peter Harrits
YAGM Malaysia Coordinator CountryELCA Global Mission

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I have so many fears that make it a struggle to move forward.  I have been thinking a lot about our site visit and what you said about how I feel so uncomfortable walking by myself anywhere.  At first I was really offended by your response, "What assumptions are you making about the people around you that you feel uncomfortable--in specific referring to men cat calling."  But- I have been mulling it over, trying to figure out why it makes me uncomfortable and why your response felt so negative to me.  Then I realized that it's just a part of some baggage that I carry with me from my past.  In high school I was followed home twice from work.  There has never been a more terrifying feeling then getting ready for bed and having your dog outside barking defensively, then looking out the window from the bathroom to see a man's face less than a foot from yours, only separated by a glass window.  I am from a small town so people are always looking out for you, but this increased after this incident. For awhile even the police officers would drive by more frequently when they see my car parked at my home.   I guess that here these things are obviously not so, and so any sense of security is missing. 

This fear allows me to stay in the comfort of my home here, knowing that I will be safe.  As much as I would love to go explore, I guess I realize now that I do like the comfort and security of having someone with me. 
But, when I was in Tenom, Rebecca and I talked about this fear bit a lot too.  I told her that I honestly was debating leaving early (and not attending the youth activity that I was invited to join) just so I could make it home on the coach bus and not have to take a taxi by myself.  I've never taken a taxi along and I was weary of giving directions and being understood, as well as sharing a taxi with other individuals.  Turns out- I shared the backseat of the taxi with a high school English teacher.  This moment gave me a sense of relief and hope that I can really do things on my own and be okay.  But I know that this mindset will easily fade as I continue.  I guess this is where I struggle and need help.  I need to learn how to motivate myself and learn to trust God in these situations. 

Blessings,

Ashley